bunchofgrapes

My stepfather, John, passed away Thursday morning. My mom called me at 6:40am to give me the news. He had gone in for a biopsy on December 7th for the brain cancer they found on November 24th. On the 8th, he started to hemorrhage. At that point the surgeon said he probably wouldn't last until Sunday. They moved him to the terminal ward and kept him there until Wednesday, the 15th. After that mom wanted to move him to a nursing home but his sons said no way. John's youngest son, Matt, has a house not far from mom's and that's where they wanted to move him. Mom was against it at first but both my aunt and I agreed it was what they wanted (and they should have a say) and it would be better for John to die there, surrounded by his boys, than in a nursing home. She was quite upset about it but finally relented and he was moved to Matt's house Wednesday evening. He passed away at 5am. I think it was where he wanted to be.

One of the things that came to light during all this is that the mini stroke he had back in July was probably caused by the undiagnosed cancer. It continued to grow over the next four months until it was quite large. This explains why he continued to deteriorate. I told mom that had we known he was going to die back in July we should have given him a couple of cartons of cigarettes, a couple of quarts of bourbon and let him be happy. As it is, the last months of his life were pretty miserable.

John wanted to be cremated so there's no funeral. Mom is having a memorial service tomorrow, which is now today, and then in the Spring there will be a service to scatter his ashes. I'll go back for that. It was his wish to have his ashes scattered over the lake they lived near so mom has a friend with a houseboat and they've offered to take the family out.

Now that I'm over angry (that was Thursday), I'm mostly okay with his passing because I know there was no hope of him ever getting better. Once they found the cancer, they said it was just a matter of time. It was aggressive and inoperable so no chemo, no surgery. I'm grateful he went fast and I know mom and his boys are too.

John was a good guy. I was lucky to have him as my stepfather and I will miss him.