I am a survivor

Jul. 17th, 2017 10:49 am
cincoflex: ship (Default)
[personal profile] cincoflex
Seriously.

I am a survivor. I'm home now after five days in the hospital. I should have been home after one day, but my surgery did not go as planned.

As they doctors were setting in the trocars to do the laparoscopic hysterectomy, they nicked my intestines. this meant an emergency resection of nine inches of my bowel BEFORE the hysterectomy, so an operation that should have taken ninety minutes took more than five.

and when they biopsied the uterus, it did show cancer. The growth was contained within it though and hadn't reached the groin lymph nodes so they were able to leave those in. Took everything else, however: uterus, tubes and ovaries.

So I'm home now, recovering, and feeling alternately grateful and shook. Grateful to my amazing family and extended friends who kept my spirits up. You folks are my world. And shook because it's a lot to take in. Surgery alone is huge, but emergency surgery as well as confirmation of the cancer is enough to make you think and pray a lot.

Maybe more later but for now, I'm glad to be back.

getting angry

Jul. 11th, 2017 10:54 am
cincoflex: ship (Default)
[personal profile] cincoflex
So my hysterectomy is tomorrow and in the midst of preparation, last minute groceries and all the other things I have to deal with, I'm getting a hell of a lot of attitude from Younger Son. This is very hard on me.

I know he's autistic, and that any shake-up in routine is difficult for him. He also knows this is surgery and there are all sorts of possible complications--my son is bright enough to know all that. But his fear is manifesting as anger right now, and it's the LAST damned thing I need, particularly when it's directed at me. I don't need cutting remarks or the cold shoulder treatment from anyone, least of all him.

Trying to explain my own fears doesn't help much, nor does telling him his attitude hurts; not much of that is sinking in. I want to be patient and kind but I have my own worries and fears going on right now. Consequently I'm biting my tongue and fighting the urge to lash out at him. I get that he's worried and scared because I am too.

So all I can do it be polite and re-direct him as much as possible for the moment. Hubby is at work, so he's not there to help me deal with it, and Older Son is off on his own errands. Just me and Younger Son and I'm hoping I can find a mutual project that will let us feel better together.

I think we might bake cookies today.


Anyway, just writing this helps. I hope all goes well and I should be home on Thursday.

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